#4 Using Lawn Furniture to Save Parking Spaces

Pittsburgh has been home to some of the greatest labor-exploiting visionaries of the 19th and 20th centuries. Capable of both the ability to break the backs of men and give them a library to pass by as they walked home from working in the mill, these leaders were highly influential in building neighborhoods and critical infrastructure for their “highly valued workforce.” While many decisions were beneficial to neighborhood cohesiveness (i.e. the church-house-house-bar pattern of development), some created problems that could not have been foreseen at the time. The consequences of these decisions have lingered, resulting in one of the greatest day-to-day Yinzer challenges: determining where to park his 1989 Trans Am.

Parking is a fundamental Yinzer right. Since few yinzers have a garage, most parking is relegated to the relatively narrow neighborhood streets. Regardless of the actual law (no one owns the street in front of a house but the city/municipality), yinzers feel a certain level of entitlement to having that precious parking space right outside of their front door. Somehow, yinzers have coalesced around a solution to this problem, creating a communication device that says, “hey jagoff, I know my car ain’t here n’at, but don’t park here anyway.” That device is a lawn chair.

The chair-cum-parking-attendant is one of the sacred tennants of yinzer culture. Yinzers could drive around neighborhoods where the parking spaces are entirely populated with heat-formed resin chairs, and not one of them would park in any space in that area. The threat of vandalism or some future parking karma prevents them from considering any other action.

In the event that you might need to park on the street where Yinzers might live, be sure to NEVER, EVER move a chair to park. Regardless of your self-righteousness and knowledge that, not only is it legal for you to park in that space, it is illegal for the Yinzer to put a chair in the middle of the street, you or your car would most likely be in serious danger. Simply keep driving around and accept that Yinzer culture isn’t bad, it’s just different.