Yinzers who are looking to achieve stardom in Pittsburgh have one of two choices: learn to play guitar and sing four-note songs; or be present for the news stations to interview them about a neighbor’s house burning down.
An interview with a Yinzer about a neighbor’s house fire follows a nearly identical script:
KDKA/WTAE/WPXI Announcer with Deep, Important Voice: A house fire occurred on the 1100 block of Morewood in the early afternoon today, a point at which no self-respecting person should be sitting at home, drinking an Iron City, waiting for a neighbor’s house to burst into flames. (Editor’s note: yes, Morewood is an actual Pittsburgh street name).
KDKA/WTAE/WPXY Beat Reporter: This house fire might have been even worse had Joe Girandelli not been around to alert the authorities, or us.
Yinzer: I’s sitting watching TV n’at, when I heard this big rush. I ran ahtside and I seen this huge fahr. I ran in to get my video camera and my Arhn City and called nine-one-one and jus watched the flames take at the whole haas and sorta hoped they’d be good. Thems guys is such good people and I jus hope they’re gunna be ok.
KDKA/WTAE/WPXY Beat Reporter: That was very courageous of you.
Yinzer: I know, right?
Once a Yinzer is interviewed on TV, his friends and family go freakin’ insane. A yinzer will actually complete the interview and immediately proceed to call friends and relatives in the area, breathlessly shouting, “I just got interviewed ’cause of that huge fire at the Poleshczevski’s haas.” With luck, the Yinzer will also get their home video footage shown on the local news channel for extra bonus Yinzer bragging rights. For the next several months the Yinzer will be famous everywhere he goes: the bar; family reunions; fire hall weddings; funeral viewings; and Giant Eagle. If the Yinzer is lucky, a family member will have set their VCR to record the newscast. This video will serve as a reminder of the Yinzer’s courageous act, to which the firefighters present at his wedding will applaud when it’s played.
If you happen to find yourself at a Yinzer’s house, don’t be surprised to see at least one VHS tape marked “KDKA House Fire, 9/22/98.” If you want to make a lifetime friend, ask to see the video. However, do this with caution — it is a MAJOR faux pas to laugh at a Yinzer fire interview, and keeping a straight face is difficult at best.