#1 Gabe’s (Gabriel Brothers)

Gabriel BrothersThere is no better place for a yinzer to purchase irregularly-sized or slightly-damaged clothing than Gabe’s. A yinzer might find a high-quality Nike polo shirt for $5 as long as he’s willing to ignore that the swoosh has been embroidered backwards. Perhaps the yinzer is searching for a post-retirement Jerome Bettis #36 Steelers jersey, and swears that the name being spelled “BETTS” is hardly noticeable. Even better, a yinzer can find a genuine pair of Baby Phat jeans and start a new trend — one leg twice as wide as the other.

You see, there’s little more that yinzers like than a deal. It doesn’t matter if they have to go through 40 racks of clothing to find a barely-damaged Steelers 1995 Super Bowl Champions t-shirt, nor does it matter that the Steelers actually lost that Super Bowl. What matters is that it’s a t-shirt, it bears the Steelers trademark, and it speaks to some level of success, regardless of whether it actually happened.

So, my fair yinzers, continue shopping in the store that isn’t really the Salvation Army, but it’s not really a retailer, either. Take comfort in the fact that people without an eagle eye for standard clothing dimensions will find you to be the most well-dressed yinzer at the fire hall.