This little gem comes to us from the Herald Standard, which was highlighting the 70th annual Fayette County Firefighters Convention hosted by the South Brownsville Volunteer Fire Company.
According to the article, there were 12 teams competing in the — I’m not making this up — moving hose lay and stationary hose lay.
However, this is some of the best copy I’ve ever read in a newspaper:
Stephanie McCormick and several of her friends had their chairs set at curbside, getting drenched by the spray from the hoses several times throughout the evening as the teams aimed their hoses in the air once their goal was accomplished. McCormick enjoyed being close to the competition.
“I’ve been sitting here for more than 30 years watching these. It feels good to get wet,” McCormick said.
In any good competition, it’s only fair that you group certain teams together based on their available technology. Because fire trucks have different capacities to move water, the competitors were placed in divisions. The names? Read on:
Hiller’s Team 2 won the light pumper division, with Fayette City’s Team 1 taking second place. Fayette City Team 1 took first place in the heavy pumper division, with McClellandtown placing second. Hiller also won the super heavy pumper division, with Isabella placing second.
The results of the stationary hose lay were not available as of press time.
(Editoral note: emphasis mine)
Real news is often better than parody.